on inadequacies and “doing my thing for the King”.

people have always said comparison is some sort of evil. and i am inclined to believe that’s true.

from a young age, i loved to compare myself to others. my parents – bless their hearts – never compared me to anyone. which is very un-asian of them, to be honest. but i was always doing the comparing.

she’s prettier than i am.
she can draw better.
he has better grades.
he can play the piano like a pro.

and so on.

it wasn’t pretty. i used to find myself crippled by self-pity, convinced that i would never amount to anything because everyone else would be better than me at something.

as i grew up, no matter how much i tried to convince myself, that nagging feeling wouldn’t go away.

just tonight, i had dinner with some of my fellow reporters at meld magazine. we were talking about our past internship experiences and what we are working on at the moment when that thought struck again.

you are not good enough. your resume isn’t exactly the most impressive. you cannot write. you don’t have the right connections. you didn’t do the right internships. your results are abysmal at best. 

for all intents and purposes, those voices in my head are right. i am not good enough. my resume is nothing to look at.

but i am stubbornly believing that i will improve. that, God-willing, opportunities will open up. and that i may not be able to write, but i am made perfect in His image.

at church yesterday, the pastor said this: “find your thing and do it for the King!” it may sound like a cliche rhyme, but so much of it is so true. i would love to think that my “thing” is to write, and thankfully there are many ways i can write nowadays. plus, i am so blessed to know what i want to do for the rest of my life right now. i am, quite literally, living the dream.

despite my inadequacies, i am refusing to settle.

i have no idea who reads this blog, but i’d like to encourage you not to settle for second best. take the time to find what makes your heart sing. and perhaps find a way to make that a career, and live the dream.

it is easier said than done. i am struggling to find my way, still. there is a long road ahead. but again, i am stubbornly believing that it will all work out.

and, if you like, i will believe with you. (: