a lesson in humility.

in life, we all struggle with the question of significance.

why am i here? what is my purpose in life?

as someone who believes in God and the saving grace of Jesus Christ, the typical response i would give is: to bring glory to His name.

but recently, i can’t help but feel that the typical christian response isn’t enough. the language that us use as christians have just become more confusing along the way – and what good does that do for anyone?

while on holiday in port douglas, i received an email from a news organisation i really wanted to join. it started out like this:

Dear Diane,

Thank you for applying to (insert organisation’s name here)’s internship program. We appreciate the time you took to apply and your interest in the organisation.

The internship program has received an overwhelming number of applicants. Unfortunately on this occasion we do not have capacity to progress your application…

and i have to admit i was crushed. it wasn’t even a paying job, but it was a foot in the door. a chance to work in a newsroom, to learn another side of journalism. plus i thought that i had a fighting chance. but no, as in turns out, i wasn’t good enough for them.

it took me awhile to realise how much power one email had. i was moping around, despite it being a beautiful day outside. the beach was inviting but all i wanted to do was sit in bed and will the tears to come. mum did her best to console me but i didn’t want words of encouragement, i just wanted to wallow in rejection.

after half an hour, i decided to take advantage of the sunshine. so i grabbed my bible, journal, and a pen, and made my way to anzac park where there’s a beautiful view of the horizon. in fact, it reminded me a little of east coast park back home.

as i opened the bible to the book of proverbs, it felt as if every line was an admonishment. put very simply, my pride was hurt. i somehow needed an internship, or a paying job, to validate my existence.

what does it say about me if my self-worth is determined by my employment status? 

it’s a hard question to ask, and an even harder question to answer.

i’d forgotten the time when a friend heard about my involvement at meld magazine and decided to check out what i’ve written. she then left a note of encouragement on my facebook wall saying she’s really inspired by what i’m writing. that wall post really made my day.

i’d forgotten the time when another friend read the post i wrote for mothers’ day this year. she told me how the post gave her the motivation to love her mum even more.

i’d forgotten that it is a privilege to be able to do what i am doing.

every so often, i have dreams of impacting the world with my stories. i don’t know how it’s going to happen, or if it’s going to happen. but i conveniently forget that Jesus works in a reverse economy. to impact one person is perhaps as valuable as impacting the world in His opinion.

but my pride and my dreams get in the way.

rejection turned out to be one of the best lessons God could teach me. it was a lesson in humility.

in today’s economy, i’ll probably be receiving a lot more emails of a similar nature to the one above. and i cannot say that i will respond to each and every one of them positively.

but i am learning.

while i am learning, and while my faith is being refined, hopefully in the process His name will be glorified.

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